Impressions, Jan. 21-26, 2005, Mahwah, NJ, Pt. 1:

Ringing the bell on the half hour in the kitchen: As I had done before, but not nearly as much as A or P, but this time having the vibrations enter me fully, not just my ears, and affect my internal vibrations so that I could say "I am the bell." The bells were designed to not be exactly equal in pitch, so that striking them caused a tertiary wave, and this gap was transferred.

Slicing a sweet potato for the final meal. At that point the meal had been visualized, but the change had not. What was one dish became two. The kitchen's presence behind me and above me, Chef A working nearby, am I present?

Twinkles in the foreward crown of my head. I asked about this. It’s good!

“Pray without ceasing” was a piece of advice given me by Bob Gerber in Lebanon in reference to a persistent absence. Sitting in the circle playing “Architecture” I found that prayer is a way to focus the mind. Whatever other effects it may have I cannot say.

The Director calls out six names and announces a circle of the “experienced players”. My name is in the list. How is this possible? I consider myself a rank beginner. Anything else is pure egoism. Terror!

The shower closest to Room 2, the home of Chef A and Chef B, had a proclivity that reminded me of the one upstairs at Claymont. There was COLD, and there was HOT, and in between, for a millimeter or so, was a setting of warm, which sometimes switched suddenly to HOT.

The group is circulating, there has been a discussion of allowing a piece/circulation to be complete, previously. A double circulation is happening. It completes with TR and I facing each other, he with a middle C and me with an E above that. Later, he calls me to his room and shows me a drawing of how he experiences this moment, two overlapping color squares with a tertiary smaller square coming out the top.

I have left my coffee cup sitting on a table in the kitchen. PS sees it and growls at me, in a way that is quite terrifying. I move my cup out of the kitchen.

At a meeting of the KT and Staff, we discuss how the course has been going, impressions. I relate that the energy has been flowing, more smoothly than in Lebanon. Also, my understanding of point 8, where an apparently complete process is given an additional boost to move it to a higher orbit. This involves croutons. A discussion is had about what happens to the body during a course, with facial hair (softer) as a starting point.

My roommate sleeps quite soundly, completely covered from head to toe with a blanket. He awakes with great shock and surprise, so next time I am even more gentle.

I pull a beet out of the fridge drawer for adding to a salad. I put it on the counter, and pick up my knife. I sense the beet’s wish to live. I sacrifice it.

Breakfast is my point of fear, as it is before breakfast when I am most empty/absent. My attempt to alleviate this is to prepare as much as possible the night before, and to make a run-list for the morning.

A series of five rhythms in 7 (and one in 5) are presented and we are instructed to learn them however we learn them. TR has made a diagram that I copy from, and convert into my own symbolism. AK believes that the rhythms almost translate to seven over five.

Phone calls home require me to be supportive and cheerful, and to pull my head out of the course. I have also made a “no rentry” commitment.

Alexander lie down on the half hour during meal preparations gives the organism an opportunity to reset, and to begin afresh.

I discover that I have a harder time circulating clockwise, because I have lost hearing in my right ear re:Marshall 50 watt half stack, angled cabinet, 1987-88, eh, dude?

During a circle one experienced player makes a comment about circulations that I know is addressed at me. The Director clarifies this pointedly, I believe aimed both at me and the commentator. I react.

A member of the intro course asks me for recipes. I say “this food is only served in one restaurant.”

Recipes are Hell, for me.

One member of the intro course shows definite signs of having an energetic experience. I whisper something to him about the name of a GC piece from the early years, “Burning Siesta”.

TR and I perform a long, long rendition of “Idiot Wind”, a Dylan piece I’m not yet familiar with.

AL and I perform a new tune entitled “It’s Me or Guitar Craft”, which has personal relevant for me during the course. During the performance SBC puts AT hands on, saying “this is your opportunity.”

I compose a set of short poems, almost haikus.

Another crafty.
Here he comes.
Look at those legs!

Just four notes,
Played without intention,
Killed all of the birds.

(The above had legs, reappearing a couple of times, with associated hilarity. Performance? “Those poor birds.”)

Snow falling on Cedars
Came softly in the night
’67 Pontiac Lemans

(During an early period of the course extended family, living and dead, was of concern. Daddy Roger -- currently living -- drove a Lemans when he first picked me up at the airport in 1969.)
I made a mistake.
Here come the excuses,
Like vacuum cleaner salesmen.

The Alexander teacher
Is looking right at me.
What can I do?

My guitar case is smashed,
A pile of crap.
I must be a genius.

To connect to the energy, I ask internally “what’s happening, right now?”